just some thinking

so today i honestly don't know what's going on in my crazy, fast paced head. so much.
i wish i could get in like a time machine. things would be so different. i look at where i am today and where i was a year ago. i was getting ready to start cosmetology school. i was so excited, thinking about it gets me excited all over again. i had discovered something i loved. everything about it, it was all so.. me. if i hadn't come home, i'd be graduating in two months. that's a face punch right there. i look back and wonder what it would have been like to stay.
but wondering does us really nothing huh? wishing time machines exist do nothing. if i stayed, i would have ignored the inspiration i had received. who knows what that alone could've done to change the course of my future. it's sad and pathetic t look back and wish i had never gotten that feeling from the Spirit to go home.. deep down inside, ignoring my thoughts, i did the right thing.. for whichever reason that may be.
i've been thinking about friends. along with people who may not be my friends at all. i'm tired of caring for people who may not care back. sure, in a sense they do. but is it enough? because if there is anything i've learned, i've learned i do not want to settle. i want it all, or nothing at all.
i'm grateful for realness. i know that sounds strange.. but i'm not sure how to say in another word.
k. thought of it. i'm grateful for real things.
i like real things, like an "i love you." &country singing cowboys. i'm grateful for what matters. people who honestly care about other people, people who would do anything because they know it's right, not out of obligation. i'm grateful for truth. i'm grateful fot the blessing of life, a brand new day. i'm grateful for the people i've been blessed to know.
i'm not grateful for douche bags.

i am so ready to move on with life. i'm so ready to stop looking back. live life with no regrets, no compromises. i'm ready to live true to the faith that i cherish.
everything else.. it's so yesterday.