fix yo'self.

It has been a while since I’ve written my beautiful blog. Lucky you. So lets get straight to a quick, short update.
I’m going to be restarting school in January at Brigham Young University in Idaho. Oh BYU-Idaho, I can’t even imagine how much you have missed me. I’ll be there in school from January to July. That’s like half a year. Don’t bother asking me what I’ll be majoring in, because truthfully I have no idea. I’ll be working my butt off trying to get off of academic probation in attempt to fix the grades I easily screwed up my first semester. Holler.
I am now the CTR 4&5 teacher at church. I love it. I love my little kids, they’re so cute and funny. (I remind myself of this every time they go crazy, yell, fight, or easily prove that we are the loudest class in Primary). It’s hard sometimes because I’m learning how to work with each kid differently, but it’s also so fun at the same time. I find myself referring to them as “my kids,” as well as telling people of the weird, funny, and cute things they say or do. I’m learning a lot from it, especially patience.
My family all recently got together for a family reunion. We went camping. I got dirty. A bug bit my butt. Yeah. Pervert. (Speaking of perverts, there were some good looking boys camping near us who walked around without shirts. Yum.) But it was fun having all of us together. I felt sorry for the suckers who camped by us. There are seven of us kids, each of us is loud on our own. Add spouses and children. In total, there were eighteen of us. I think… we all know I’m no mathematician. So I guess I’m just saying there were a lot of us. And it was a lot of fun. I love my family so much.
And I can’t think of any other note-worthy updates.
SO, now lets talk about why I’m up at two in the morning updating this blog for anyhow. I’m basically just going to write out what I think and feel.
I am so in need of something new, something exciting. I feel like I’m stuck in a rut. Maybe it’s not even a rut anymore, it’s kind of like a pit I’ve been here so many times. I’ve been watching the world pass me by. I know I’m mostly if not all to blame, but oh it would be so easy to blame anything. But truth be told I’ve been allowing my self-insecurities take over me. I barely talk to anyone in fear they will judge me or just plainly not like me. I keep telling myself I’m not good enough, smart enough, or pretty enough for people to like me.
And I think I’m at the point that I’ve had enough. I’m tired of feeling like this, because it shouldn’t be this way. I shouldn’t be self-doubting or hating myself. I’m tired of comparing myself to my sisters, my friends, the pictures I see in magazines. It comes down to the fact I’m not them. They are not me. I am me. And I’m beginning to realize that the things I don’t like about me, I can change. I can fix the broken parts of me with the help of my Heavenly Father.
I’m holding myself back from my own potential. Why should I choose failure when success is an option? That wouldn’t be so smart, yet that’s what I’ve always done. I allow myself to give up, to criticize myself, to sell myself short of everything. I was meant for so much more. We all are.
Freaking Alyssa, fix yo’self already.
Welllllll… I’m tired. Peace.