oh, hello gratitude. i haven't forgotten about you.

oh summer two thousand and ten. you have been delightful.
crazy, scary, funny, precious.
like seriously, it's been a good few months.
whether is be going to the temple; going to "the spot;" the beach; camping with the fam; camping with friends; learning more about the gospel; getting attacked by josh in a monkey suit; spending the night doing nothing with megan, tim, and connie; laughing like a crazy; midnight runs with monica and johnny; talking on the phone with brent until the early hours in the morning; rafting; or writing to hunter about it all- it has been memorable.
i am grateful for all these experiences. i have learned a lot this summer, things i'll never forget. my family means everything to me. my friends have become my family.
if it weren't for the people in my life, this summer would have been basically nothing.
i'm grateful for knowledge. i'm grateful for the knowledge that you're never alone. the Lord is mindful of all of us. He knows our struggles. He will not lead us comfortless.
sometimes i forget this.
sometimes all i need to do is remember.

just another day

this week sucks.
but i'm grateful for my little sister.
she is so sweet, and such an example to me.

just some thinking

so today i honestly don't know what's going on in my crazy, fast paced head. so much.
i wish i could get in like a time machine. things would be so different. i look at where i am today and where i was a year ago. i was getting ready to start cosmetology school. i was so excited, thinking about it gets me excited all over again. i had discovered something i loved. everything about it, it was all so.. me. if i hadn't come home, i'd be graduating in two months. that's a face punch right there. i look back and wonder what it would have been like to stay.
but wondering does us really nothing huh? wishing time machines exist do nothing. if i stayed, i would have ignored the inspiration i had received. who knows what that alone could've done to change the course of my future. it's sad and pathetic t look back and wish i had never gotten that feeling from the Spirit to go home.. deep down inside, ignoring my thoughts, i did the right thing.. for whichever reason that may be.
i've been thinking about friends. along with people who may not be my friends at all. i'm tired of caring for people who may not care back. sure, in a sense they do. but is it enough? because if there is anything i've learned, i've learned i do not want to settle. i want it all, or nothing at all.
i'm grateful for realness. i know that sounds strange.. but i'm not sure how to say in another word.
k. thought of it. i'm grateful for real things.
i like real things, like an "i love you." &country singing cowboys. i'm grateful for what matters. people who honestly care about other people, people who would do anything because they know it's right, not out of obligation. i'm grateful for truth. i'm grateful fot the blessing of life, a brand new day. i'm grateful for the people i've been blessed to know.
i'm not grateful for douche bags.

i am so ready to move on with life. i'm so ready to stop looking back. live life with no regrets, no compromises. i'm ready to live true to the faith that i cherish.
everything else.. it's so yesterday.

a little late, eh?

The past few weeks have been pretty crazy, haven’t had too much time to work on el blogo. But regardless, I’ve taken time of my day to think of the different things I am grateful for.
I am grateful for the simplicity of honesty. I never really thought much of it. I’ve always considered myself an honest person, at times a little too honest. But I’ve come to realize it’s more than just saying ,“Yeah, I tell the truth.” It’s also about being honest with myself. I struggle with this.
I tell myself I’m not good enough. I tell myself I’m not pretty enough. I tell myself I’m not smart enough. These are all lies I’ve allowed myself to believe. Who’s to say that we’re not good enough? The world would be a bit easier if we were more honest.
Last weekend I went camping and rafting with my friends. I was grateful for this experience. I slept under the stars for the first time! I went rafting for the first time! It was so much fun. I love my friends.
I’m grateful for the temple. Tonight I went to the Oakland temple, lied down on a bench, and just looked up at the sky. It was so beautiful. There was so much on my mind, and unfortunately I wasn’t feeling all to that good. But I can’t say I didn’t feel one thing that so many of us forget: We are children of God, a God who loves us despite ourselves. God is real. Temples are a little piece of heaven. I cannot wait until the day I will be able to enter into it with my future husband who not only loves me, but first loves the Lord.
Speaking of heaven, I’m grateful for warm showers.
This Sunday I’m giving a talk on church. Wish me luck. I’ll be needing it.
The Lord is good to me, and so I thank the Lord.

twelve

i'm grateful for the opportunity of growth.

days nine through eleven.

eek. late much?
(&apparently quoting hannah montana doesn't count? blast.)
but i am grateful for the little things. and just to name a few:
the color yellow. mango orange nail polish. daisies. waking up in the morning to realize you can keep sleeping. hugs. nail polish in general. crunchy leaves. my brain. the smell of rain. talking to yourself when no one is around. long showers. singing as loud as i possibly can. spending time with my family. laughing. laughing yourself to tears. laughing so much it hurts. laughing until you're about to pee your pants. makeup. hair products. herbal essences body envy hairspray. my hair. flushable toilets. water. the color orange. mascara. holding hands. paper. music. showers. sandals. joe don. bananas. grapes. trees. stars. anyone who has ever made me laugh. a bed to sleep in. mountains. clouds. eyebrows. colored pencils. screaming, yelling. writing. art. poetry. looking out your window and seeing the moon. the realization you are not alone in the world. guilty pleasures. vanilla pudding. straws. m&ms. comfy pillows. mouthwash. floss. long lasting gum. birds. oceans. sand under my feet. cute boys. cats. baseball fields. staying up late. sleeping in. sunlight. technology. cranberry juice. holidays. weekends. parties. being able to dance like a complete idiot.
&once you start looking at the little things, suddenly they don't seem so little.

ocho dia?

i am grateful for life.
life's what you make it, so lets make it rock.

an hour late on day seven

but i am very grateful for the people in my life. i have been blessed with knowing the people i call my friends.

day six; writing on this everyday is harder then i thought it would be.

sorry to everyone who's getting my blog updates. eek.
anyhow, i am grateful for the opportunity to be happy.
happiness is not just given to us. without opposition, we wouldn't even know what it is.
i believe we are all on a road to happiness. i have faith that i will get there.

day five of thirty-one. a very touching video.

i am grateful for forgiveness.
my best fried sierra blogged this video about forgiveness. it made me cry. i suggest everyone watch it.

on the fourth day of gratitude

I am grateful for my family. I love them so gosh darn much, even when they drive me so gosh darn crazy. I have been truly blessed to be born into the family I have.
My dad is my hero. As long as I can remember, he's either been a Bishop, in the Stake Presidency, or High Council at church. He's dedicated his life to the gospel, and I respect that. My dad has suffered through cancer twice, but never once have I heard him complain. Through all my life, I've never heard him complain once. My dad has a great sense of humor. My dad would always give me the same advice whenever I left the house: "Alyssa, don't be stupid." (sadly, i don't think this advice is part of his sense of humor, but straight up advice.) I'm so happy to be "his girl." I have always felt close to him, and know he will always love me, even when I am stupid.
My mom is my example. My mom has been through so much in her life, she has come such a long way. It breaks my heart to think of the life she had growing up in an alcoholic and abusive home. I see the way she's raised us kids, providing us a home of love and care. She tries to be the best mom possible, I don't think she realizes she already is the best mom I could have asked for. Despite all of our arguments, at the end of the day she is usually right. She is constantly giving; serving is her favorite thing to do. I am always able to talk to my mom about anything, even when I do actually mess up. She has set an example of what a mother is, as well as a wife.
I have six brothers and sisters, it would take too long to write about them individually. But my siblings are my best friends. They have set an example for me, even my younger sister. Most of my favorite memories and best laughs involve all of them. I am so thankful to be their sister.
Like Nephi, I have been born of goodly parents who love the Lord. They created the people I call my family. I am truly honored to be a member of this heritage. I know families can be together forever. I look forward to this promise. Someday I will have a family of my own, I will teach them the things my own has taught me.
I am eternally grateful.

day three

this is going to have to be quick, i'm busy working onto moving in with lucifer. (not like actually satan, although it hasn't been scientifically proven that my cat LUCIfer is not satan himself). so yeah, room switch. holla.
i am grateful for second chances, the chance to start over. there are so many different things in life that i wish i can rewind and do over but unfortunately i can't. instead, i do it again but this time taking a different attempt. i get to try again. i get a second chance. tomorrow is a brand new day. it's time to make the past, the past.

ps, the giants won the rockies ten to nothing. &that is how it's done.
peace out blog world.

day two.

today i went to the dentist.
today i'm grateful for toothbrushes.
i love being minty fresh.
i'm also grateful that i am able to go to the dentist and doctors. not everyone is able to do that.
i'm also grateful that my mom bought me the mouthwash i wanted.

thirty-one days of gratitude.

twenty minutes until it will be the second day of august. usually i really wouldn't care, but i've got a plan, and these next twenty minutes will be important.
i am challenging myself to think of something i am grateful for everyday this month. yes, i will be recording it all on this blog. talk about a lot of blog updates. i'm mostly writing it on here for my own knowledge, and to make sure i actually remember to do it. these things i write daily will be in no particular order, it will just be something maybe i've noticed that day, or basically whatev. i have no idea what things i will think of for the next month, my mind works in mysterious ways. but i am curious to see what comes of it. hopefully something. hopefully i will learn from this. &to be honest, i think i can.
lets kick this gratitude into gear.

day one.
today i am grateful for people being willing to help. today is sunday. i went to church as normal, i went to my class as normal. but today was harder, the kids were crazy. each individual was well, naturally their own individual. they all wanted to do their own thing. one of the boys i worked with was struggling today, he didn't want to stay in the primary room for opening exercises (singing and sharing time). so instead, he'd rather run around the church for that hour.
to be honest, i have no idea what was wrong with me today. maybe i was just feeling sad, helpless, and basically unable to help this boy at. so, after an hour of trying to carry him, trying to run with him, and just plain trying to keep him occupied, i was tired. i was so stressed out. i am very weak. i started crying. i felt like i failed this poor boy who needs my help because of the situation he has, and i felt like i was inadequate of my calling.
i hate crying, i hate showing people just how vulnerable i am. i wasn't full on crying, but enough to where i put myself out there.
than one of the sisters at church saw me trying to carry this sweet five year old, who i swear is practically as tall as me, and she offered to help. she used to be the teacher of the class i now teach, and she sacrificed her time to help my crying baby self. she helped with offering me advice, telling me different ways she was able to help this boy, and very lovingly, non-judgmentally helped me. (&i was able to go to the bathroom, dry my eyes and convince myself everything would be okay. i don't think she knows how much she helped me, but i was grateful for her willingness to help.
today i am grateful for people who sacrifice their time to serve others. anyone can do it. anyone can help another by simply just being willing to serve.
i am grateful.

fix yo'self.

It has been a while since I’ve written my beautiful blog. Lucky you. So lets get straight to a quick, short update.
I’m going to be restarting school in January at Brigham Young University in Idaho. Oh BYU-Idaho, I can’t even imagine how much you have missed me. I’ll be there in school from January to July. That’s like half a year. Don’t bother asking me what I’ll be majoring in, because truthfully I have no idea. I’ll be working my butt off trying to get off of academic probation in attempt to fix the grades I easily screwed up my first semester. Holler.
I am now the CTR 4&5 teacher at church. I love it. I love my little kids, they’re so cute and funny. (I remind myself of this every time they go crazy, yell, fight, or easily prove that we are the loudest class in Primary). It’s hard sometimes because I’m learning how to work with each kid differently, but it’s also so fun at the same time. I find myself referring to them as “my kids,” as well as telling people of the weird, funny, and cute things they say or do. I’m learning a lot from it, especially patience.
My family all recently got together for a family reunion. We went camping. I got dirty. A bug bit my butt. Yeah. Pervert. (Speaking of perverts, there were some good looking boys camping near us who walked around without shirts. Yum.) But it was fun having all of us together. I felt sorry for the suckers who camped by us. There are seven of us kids, each of us is loud on our own. Add spouses and children. In total, there were eighteen of us. I think… we all know I’m no mathematician. So I guess I’m just saying there were a lot of us. And it was a lot of fun. I love my family so much.
And I can’t think of any other note-worthy updates.
SO, now lets talk about why I’m up at two in the morning updating this blog for anyhow. I’m basically just going to write out what I think and feel.
I am so in need of something new, something exciting. I feel like I’m stuck in a rut. Maybe it’s not even a rut anymore, it’s kind of like a pit I’ve been here so many times. I’ve been watching the world pass me by. I know I’m mostly if not all to blame, but oh it would be so easy to blame anything. But truth be told I’ve been allowing my self-insecurities take over me. I barely talk to anyone in fear they will judge me or just plainly not like me. I keep telling myself I’m not good enough, smart enough, or pretty enough for people to like me.
And I think I’m at the point that I’ve had enough. I’m tired of feeling like this, because it shouldn’t be this way. I shouldn’t be self-doubting or hating myself. I’m tired of comparing myself to my sisters, my friends, the pictures I see in magazines. It comes down to the fact I’m not them. They are not me. I am me. And I’m beginning to realize that the things I don’t like about me, I can change. I can fix the broken parts of me with the help of my Heavenly Father.
I’m holding myself back from my own potential. Why should I choose failure when success is an option? That wouldn’t be so smart, yet that’s what I’ve always done. I allow myself to give up, to criticize myself, to sell myself short of everything. I was meant for so much more. We all are.
Freaking Alyssa, fix yo’self already.
Welllllll… I’m tired. Peace.