day five of thirty-one. a very touching video.

i am grateful for forgiveness.
my best fried sierra blogged this video about forgiveness. it made me cry. i suggest everyone watch it.

on the fourth day of gratitude

I am grateful for my family. I love them so gosh darn much, even when they drive me so gosh darn crazy. I have been truly blessed to be born into the family I have.
My dad is my hero. As long as I can remember, he's either been a Bishop, in the Stake Presidency, or High Council at church. He's dedicated his life to the gospel, and I respect that. My dad has suffered through cancer twice, but never once have I heard him complain. Through all my life, I've never heard him complain once. My dad has a great sense of humor. My dad would always give me the same advice whenever I left the house: "Alyssa, don't be stupid." (sadly, i don't think this advice is part of his sense of humor, but straight up advice.) I'm so happy to be "his girl." I have always felt close to him, and know he will always love me, even when I am stupid.
My mom is my example. My mom has been through so much in her life, she has come such a long way. It breaks my heart to think of the life she had growing up in an alcoholic and abusive home. I see the way she's raised us kids, providing us a home of love and care. She tries to be the best mom possible, I don't think she realizes she already is the best mom I could have asked for. Despite all of our arguments, at the end of the day she is usually right. She is constantly giving; serving is her favorite thing to do. I am always able to talk to my mom about anything, even when I do actually mess up. She has set an example of what a mother is, as well as a wife.
I have six brothers and sisters, it would take too long to write about them individually. But my siblings are my best friends. They have set an example for me, even my younger sister. Most of my favorite memories and best laughs involve all of them. I am so thankful to be their sister.
Like Nephi, I have been born of goodly parents who love the Lord. They created the people I call my family. I am truly honored to be a member of this heritage. I know families can be together forever. I look forward to this promise. Someday I will have a family of my own, I will teach them the things my own has taught me.
I am eternally grateful.

day three

this is going to have to be quick, i'm busy working onto moving in with lucifer. (not like actually satan, although it hasn't been scientifically proven that my cat LUCIfer is not satan himself). so yeah, room switch. holla.
i am grateful for second chances, the chance to start over. there are so many different things in life that i wish i can rewind and do over but unfortunately i can't. instead, i do it again but this time taking a different attempt. i get to try again. i get a second chance. tomorrow is a brand new day. it's time to make the past, the past.

ps, the giants won the rockies ten to nothing. &that is how it's done.
peace out blog world.

day two.

today i went to the dentist.
today i'm grateful for toothbrushes.
i love being minty fresh.
i'm also grateful that i am able to go to the dentist and doctors. not everyone is able to do that.
i'm also grateful that my mom bought me the mouthwash i wanted.

thirty-one days of gratitude.

twenty minutes until it will be the second day of august. usually i really wouldn't care, but i've got a plan, and these next twenty minutes will be important.
i am challenging myself to think of something i am grateful for everyday this month. yes, i will be recording it all on this blog. talk about a lot of blog updates. i'm mostly writing it on here for my own knowledge, and to make sure i actually remember to do it. these things i write daily will be in no particular order, it will just be something maybe i've noticed that day, or basically whatev. i have no idea what things i will think of for the next month, my mind works in mysterious ways. but i am curious to see what comes of it. hopefully something. hopefully i will learn from this. &to be honest, i think i can.
lets kick this gratitude into gear.

day one.
today i am grateful for people being willing to help. today is sunday. i went to church as normal, i went to my class as normal. but today was harder, the kids were crazy. each individual was well, naturally their own individual. they all wanted to do their own thing. one of the boys i worked with was struggling today, he didn't want to stay in the primary room for opening exercises (singing and sharing time). so instead, he'd rather run around the church for that hour.
to be honest, i have no idea what was wrong with me today. maybe i was just feeling sad, helpless, and basically unable to help this boy at. so, after an hour of trying to carry him, trying to run with him, and just plain trying to keep him occupied, i was tired. i was so stressed out. i am very weak. i started crying. i felt like i failed this poor boy who needs my help because of the situation he has, and i felt like i was inadequate of my calling.
i hate crying, i hate showing people just how vulnerable i am. i wasn't full on crying, but enough to where i put myself out there.
than one of the sisters at church saw me trying to carry this sweet five year old, who i swear is practically as tall as me, and she offered to help. she used to be the teacher of the class i now teach, and she sacrificed her time to help my crying baby self. she helped with offering me advice, telling me different ways she was able to help this boy, and very lovingly, non-judgmentally helped me. (&i was able to go to the bathroom, dry my eyes and convince myself everything would be okay. i don't think she knows how much she helped me, but i was grateful for her willingness to help.
today i am grateful for people who sacrifice their time to serve others. anyone can do it. anyone can help another by simply just being willing to serve.
i am grateful.

fix yo'self.

It has been a while since I’ve written my beautiful blog. Lucky you. So lets get straight to a quick, short update.
I’m going to be restarting school in January at Brigham Young University in Idaho. Oh BYU-Idaho, I can’t even imagine how much you have missed me. I’ll be there in school from January to July. That’s like half a year. Don’t bother asking me what I’ll be majoring in, because truthfully I have no idea. I’ll be working my butt off trying to get off of academic probation in attempt to fix the grades I easily screwed up my first semester. Holler.
I am now the CTR 4&5 teacher at church. I love it. I love my little kids, they’re so cute and funny. (I remind myself of this every time they go crazy, yell, fight, or easily prove that we are the loudest class in Primary). It’s hard sometimes because I’m learning how to work with each kid differently, but it’s also so fun at the same time. I find myself referring to them as “my kids,” as well as telling people of the weird, funny, and cute things they say or do. I’m learning a lot from it, especially patience.
My family all recently got together for a family reunion. We went camping. I got dirty. A bug bit my butt. Yeah. Pervert. (Speaking of perverts, there were some good looking boys camping near us who walked around without shirts. Yum.) But it was fun having all of us together. I felt sorry for the suckers who camped by us. There are seven of us kids, each of us is loud on our own. Add spouses and children. In total, there were eighteen of us. I think… we all know I’m no mathematician. So I guess I’m just saying there were a lot of us. And it was a lot of fun. I love my family so much.
And I can’t think of any other note-worthy updates.
SO, now lets talk about why I’m up at two in the morning updating this blog for anyhow. I’m basically just going to write out what I think and feel.
I am so in need of something new, something exciting. I feel like I’m stuck in a rut. Maybe it’s not even a rut anymore, it’s kind of like a pit I’ve been here so many times. I’ve been watching the world pass me by. I know I’m mostly if not all to blame, but oh it would be so easy to blame anything. But truth be told I’ve been allowing my self-insecurities take over me. I barely talk to anyone in fear they will judge me or just plainly not like me. I keep telling myself I’m not good enough, smart enough, or pretty enough for people to like me.
And I think I’m at the point that I’ve had enough. I’m tired of feeling like this, because it shouldn’t be this way. I shouldn’t be self-doubting or hating myself. I’m tired of comparing myself to my sisters, my friends, the pictures I see in magazines. It comes down to the fact I’m not them. They are not me. I am me. And I’m beginning to realize that the things I don’t like about me, I can change. I can fix the broken parts of me with the help of my Heavenly Father.
I’m holding myself back from my own potential. Why should I choose failure when success is an option? That wouldn’t be so smart, yet that’s what I’ve always done. I allow myself to give up, to criticize myself, to sell myself short of everything. I was meant for so much more. We all are.
Freaking Alyssa, fix yo’self already.
Welllllll… I’m tired. Peace.

i believe in a thing called love.

This post is going to be super lame. You've been warned.
But I can't help it. I have a new love. It happens to be the San Francisco Giants.
Like seriously, I know. I've always liked them because of my dad. Anyone who knows my dad knows he is a huge baseball guy. It used to drive me crazy actually. Because we'd be in church, and he'd be giving a talk about the Giants. It never made sense to me until now. I've been converted. The SF Giants are my new favorite thing. I believe in them.
And it's a plus that i have crushes on some of them.. No, actually, almost all of them. I can find something attractive about them all.. i'm still working on edgar rentaria.

Like, look at Buster Posey. He is so fetching hot. I'd be in trouble if I ever came in contact with him. Make that, he'd be in trouble.

Above is AUBREY HUFF. Just so everyone knows, I'm naming my future child after him. He is my Big Huff Daddy.
I first liked the GIants because of this guy:

Andres Torres... you are delish.
&the list goes on and on. I just want to touch them;)


no big deal:)

take time to realize.

I've come to realize how much I've been neglecting the things that are so precious and the things I hold most dear to me. I am a Daughter of God. It's time I realize this again. I've allowed the world to make me think less of myself, and that's not fair to myself or the people around me.
I need to trust in the Lord. I know I'm here, where I am, for a reason. I came back to California because the Spirit told me so. Now I don't know what that reason is, but I know that this is where I'm supposed to be. Maybe in given time, things will make sense. Maybe it's been to help someone, find a better faith in Christ, learn a valuable lesson, meet somebody, find the cure to cancer, or simply just helping myself. I don't know, but when the Lord tells you to do something you do it. But I haven't had the right attitude, I've been focusing on the negative. Dang me.
It all comes down to one thing: Trust. I have to have more faith, I need to do the things I know my life has been missing. It's time to become the person I can be.
Yay me:)
Anyways, I'm ready to do this. My spirit is ready. It's time for some serious soul searching. It's time to become the best possible me, in every aspect.
I know that the gospel is true. I know the blessings that it has brought into my life. I have the best family ever. I have phenomenal people in my life. Just in these few months I've met new friends that are just so amazing. I have a great life. We are Children of God. I wish we all will realize this some time soon.

"The only difference between you and God is that you have forgotten you are Divine!"

hair.

i'm officially a brunette again.
it's bittersweet.
on a positive note, no more dumb blonde jokes.

LUCIfer.

I was so excited. I was so proud of my mom.
Anyone who knows my mom very well knows her love for animals, especially for cats. She even puts bowls of cat chow in the front and back yards for the stray cats and raccoons.
Confession: I think at one point we had thirteen cats. All indoor. Yes. I know.
But after twenty-one years, they started dying off (may they rest in peace). We got down to four cats, and to many people, this seems like a lot. But as you can see, from my previous confession, this is a major improvement. It has felt so nice no be in a room without cats running around. Finally, there was more people than cats!
Then, on a cold Friday night, something was left on our porch.
A little kitten. It had a note saying it's name was "Angel" and that it knew we could give it a good home. Dang. We took it in. There's a much longer story, on which includes my family blaming me for this flea infested cat on our porch, but I'll just leave that out. My hands are clean.
She's been staying in Lara's room because we were initially scared the other cats would terrorize her. Even though I pretended to hate her, I actually think she's kind of cute. We were debating on what to name her. Angel is a stupid name. Really, who names their cat that? We were thinking about Sophie, Leah, Lucy, Annie, and Emma. We thought Sophie was the best. But we were wrong.
She is a psycho. Sometimes I actually think she's mentally challenged or bipolar. &she's kind of dumb. She tries to attack the other cats, so much for worrying about her. Oh yeah, and she attacks me. I'm probably going to die of rabies. No big. Everyone will be invited to my funeral. But I still go in there to try to see if she's had a change of heart. To make it short, she hasn't.
The name Sophie doesn't fit her at all. I changed her name to Luci. It's short for Lucifer. It is the perfect name for this cute, but scary and demented, cat.
And that's the story of Luci. And I'm now stuck again with five cats...

I just wanted a fish...